Tram: [while trying to figure out what to write on the front of a homemade card] Give me a phrase that is Happy New Year’s and Happy Birthday. Can I just write Spring?

Georgia: Man, I wish they made Spaghettio chips, so then I could eat right now.

Georgia: [about my Netflix] What do you got over there?
Me: [as I’m itching my head, and misunderstanding her question] Um… I’m itching?
[after we laugh, and she explains what she meant]
Me: Oh. I was so confused when you were just like, “What do you got?” Like… um, I have an itch, so I’m scratching?

Me: I don’t want to be like Tram! Look at her, sitting over there, wearing black, being all emo, blowing her nose…
Tram: At least I didn’t blow my nose in your face!

[about a conversation that started to go in a completely different direction than I wanted it to go]
Me: I’m like Columbus, finding the West Indies, when really, all I want to do is go to China.

[after reading something to herself off a piece of paper]
Georgia: What a mouthful. That’s what she said.
Me: I love how you have entire conversations with yourself.
Georgia: Well, no one else was going to call it!
Me: Yeah, because you were talking to yourself! 

[while trying to name our light-up snowman decoration, Georgia originally wanted to name him Albert, while I preferred Walter or Sam; eventually Georgia combined the two to Walbert, which reminded me of Walmart, so she eventually accepted Sam]
Georgia: [in the middle of a conversation] I see you staring at him!
Me: Okay, yes, you caught me. I’m sorry, but you don’t sparkle and shine and flash like Sam Walbert. [I start cracking up] Isn’t the guy who founded Walmart’s first name Sam? I think we just created the snowman version of him. Our snowman will grow up to found a multinational corporation that will be hated by many, yet will bring surprisingly low prices to the world.

[after Georgia gives me an in-depth analysis of how her cut reminds her of Play-doh, after it’s been cracked and repaired, but deep down you still know it’s just fixed]
Me: Wow. How deep of you. I look forward to your upcoming scholarly article on it in a peer-reviewed journal.

[as she’s putting on her jacket]
Jenn: So that’s what’s been going on with my armpits all day! [shows me her coat] The armpit zippers were open! 

[about Tram]
Me: She’s always got babies on the mind. Her biological clock isn’t just ticking, it’s like, exploding.
Georgia: Don’t you mean it’s gonging?
Me: Yeah. It’s like a massively loud grandfather clock. No… it’s like a clock store at noon.